Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Beginning Of The Year

A month has passed without any updates on this blog. There were many reasons for that but the main reason was probably the level of stress I was under. 2009 was one of the best and one of the worst years I've had. I was more than relieved when it was finally over.

2010 has begun just amazingly well and I will do my best to keep it on that track. Let me give you a quick review of my great new year this far.

About the cruise with John. It was last week. I was in a really bad mood for the first part of the evening. All I could think of was that I was stuck with him for the next couple of days. Behaving myself seemed the hardest task ever so I was rather ill-mannered towards him. I was snappy and grumpy and undoubtedly not the most charming companion

But as we were drinking cocktails and watching the midnight cabaret I eased up. We chatted about music and such and it was really normal since he didn't make any public displays of affection. I did sleep with him that night, 'tho. I knew how much he wanted it and well, I hadn't had any myself since the rabbit sex case which you might recall.

We spent the next day in the destination city, mostly shopping. Among other things I got the most perfect boots ever. They made me so happy I just couldn't be anything else but nice for the rest of the day. When we got to bed late in the night John took me in his arms.

'We won't be seeing each other that often anymore.. You won't be coming to my town anymore and I rarely happen to come to yours. When people don't see each other for a long time it's inevitable that their feelings are bound to fade. So this trip was kind of a parting gift to you.'

I didn't answer. I didn't want to lie about still having feelings towards him. I also didn't want him to see how happy I was to hear that from him. The reason I had been so wayward with John was because I felt pressured by him all the time. He didn't let me breathe. The moment he said what he had said I felt so relieved. I knew that he did it because he finally understood that he can't win me back after what he did last summer. I also knew he still loves me. I knew he was hurting but I also knew I would hurt him more by acting the way I had.

A day after going back home I got a text from him, saying he would still like to remain friends. I told him that first we should become friends and then we can remain that since we've never actually been friends. We were acquaintances and then lovers. 'Why not?' I thought to myself. Friends it is. There is no tension between us, I can act my friend-me way instead of the hellcat-me way.

This got long again. I'll tell you about the others in the next post.




Cocaine Princess said...

It seems as if the tension between both of you had been building up for quite some time and it seems like both of you wanted to say the something but were just waiting for the right time, unfortunately there never really is the right time in these situations. At least there is no more tension between you guys.

All the best for you in 2010.

Bruce said...

Your blog posts are like condensed romance novel, with only the good parts left in. Which is great, since being a man, I hate long and drawn out romance novels.

Passion Fruit said...

@Princess Yes, you hit the nail with that one.

@Bruce The good parts are the ones that are worth remembering.