Monday, December 21, 2009

John: Lovesick

About a month (well, exactly a month) ago I promised to post about John. I told you the barebones of what had happened and was planning on making a longer post of it but it really isn't of any importance anymore.

During the past month we've barely made contact. A few weeks ago he seemed alarmed about me not communing with him but I told him my laptop was broken and that I had been rather busy. Which was true.

A couple of weeks passed without him making any attempt to reach me so I assumed he was either resentful or just not interested. As I had promised myself (and also told him about that) I was not going to contact him first - I have nothing against spending time with him but I am not the one to go after him.

Last week on Saturday he couldn't bear it anymore and broke the silence. Well, I saw it just as him contacting after a long time but that's the way he took it. A few minutes past 4 o'clock in the morning I received a text message from him. I wasn't sleeping well that night so the vibrations of the phone woke me up immediately.

He asked me if I was willing to go on a cruise with his daughter. That was it. I thought he wanted me to go and escort her or something, as she is underage and I would be a good choice since she knows me and we get along well. So I replied that it would be a very nice Christmas present.

We exchanged a few more petty messages during the next couple of hours until he finally sent one that was absolutely ridiculous. I am tired of waiting after you. And yet I do. WHAT??? YOU waiting for ME???? I really didn't know if I should laugh or cry.

So this was my answer: There is no way I could reply this without being acrid. So rather I ask, what have you been waiting for? Well, then he decided he's not waiting for anything but that our 'last and only' chance to be together would be going on the cruise just the two of us, without the daughter.

With the next few messages he tried to take it to the relationship matters but I let him know this was not a phone talk and that I was going to sleep since I only had a few hours until the alarm. As usual, this led to him calling me. Six o'clock in the morning. We talked for about an hour.

As it turned out, John and his wife had broken up. And that he misses me terribly. And that he is lovesick for me. And that he is crazy about me. My answer to the last three? 'That's a normal reaction to wanting something you don't have'. 'Maybe,' he agreed. 'But I don't think so.'

He was in town later that day but I was really busy. Since he had wanted to see me 'so bad' I managed to give him half an hour. And again, as usual, he didn't talk about anything important. Just some pointless work related small talk. As usual.

We did agree to go on the cruise together and he booked it today. We're going to go in the middle of January and it's his Christmas present to me (or a Birthday present.. or both, I don't remember which word he used).

The boarding is Thursday evening, the ship sails from our capital to the other capital by the next morning. We'll spend a day there (he knows the city so he's doing all the planning) and then start our way back in the evening, bringing us back to homeland by the next morning. He's already scheduling a museum for the morning, then lunch and after that shopping. Works for me!

Old love has not awaken in me yet but I don't have anything against spending time with him either. We'll see.



Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Ball

No romantic hotel rooms, no proposals, no mind-blowing kisses - meaning nothing overly exciting.

I decided to go without a date since I was part of the organizing team and I wanted to be able to mingle around. Bringing a date outside of the company didn't seem like a good idea since I would've had to pay him too much attention so he wouldn't feel lonely.

I was looking around, sipping champagne, making sure who had already arrived and what were they up to. And then I spotted William. He was talking to our colleague but right next to them were some of the girls I knew. Most naturally I went there to chat with the girls, standing right next to William. Soon enough I was engaged in both conversation - the one with the girls and the one with him and the colleague.

After the colleague left he made some compliments to the girls but then suggested we'd step aside so we could chat better. He bought me a drink and a truffle. So I went from champagne and people-watching to Martini and William-watching. Unfortunately I had some duties so after a quite a long talk we went our separate ways.

There were hundreds of people there and we both had a lot of people to talk to so we didn't get any more time for ourselves. Some people have become a little suspicious about him openly favoring me anyway so maybe it was for the best. This also means neither of us kept the promise to dance with the other.

As I was strolling around, stopping here and there for chats and cheers, I greeted one of my colleagues. As William had left rather early, this young man became my companion for the rest of the night. So why don't we call him the Ball Boy for now. 'Where are you heading?' he asked me after I smiled at him with a nod. 'Nowhere, just wondering around. You?' I asked back. 'The same. I'll walk with you to the other side,' he told me.

As we were perambulating through the hallway, I asked him where his companion was since I knew he had a girlfriend. Instead of saying she was at home as had said the last guy I asked, he pointed at me: 'Right here.' I just smiled in silence, flattered yet not knowing what to say since we've never had exactly too close of a relationship.

Soon enough we were standing next to the dance floor, chatting away. He, too, offered to buy me a drink. Why would I ever say no to a Martini served by a charming gentleman? We talked mostly about work and politics. We even made some work related agreements. And then he finally asked me to dance.

After the dance we kept on chatting. Then it was time for the cake and Calvados so we joined others. From there on we hung around in a bigger group, drinking Calvados and having some good laughs. When there was only half an hour left until the end of the ball I decided that only one dance throughout the whole night most certainly will not do for me.

The Ball Boy is rather tall and I was wearing unusually low-heeled shoes so I rose to my tiptoes and asked him quietly if it could be my turn to ask him to dance. He obviously liked spending time with me since he hadn't left my side since that first chat but the eager way he said 'yes' was still a delight.

Another song passed after that one when he suggested we should dance some more. 'Let's use the last minutes to the fullest,' he said with a smile. So we stayed on the dance floor until the last song was played and the party was over.

Our dancing was more like bringing the weight from one leg to the other and slightly turning the same time but being really close while doing so. As I said, he was rather tall and I had only 4-5cm heels. Meaning I couldn't see over his shoulder. I did look to the sides every now and then but it was actually kind of comforting to just stare at his chest and feel his hand caressing my back. This way it felt like it was just the music and us - I knew that others were there, too, but they weren't in my focus at all.

After the ball a lot of people went to a night club to have an after-party. We had missed the time where free tickets were handed out so I got two from an elderly couple who had took the tickets but now had decided to go home instead. One for me and one for the Ball Boy. He got us a cab and to the club we went.

The party sucked. The music was awful, the people hideous. There was someone driving his direction so the Ball Boy went home quite soon, thanking me for a wonderful night. I think I left around fifteen or twenty minutes after him. I haven't seen him since but we have changed a couple of work related e-mails. Fortunately no awkwardness between us.

So, as I said in the beginning, nothing overly exciting. Yet I enjoyed the night. I'm also going to see what's the deal with the Ball Boy. He had made me a compliment about looking very beautiful just the night before the ball so maybe his interest in me wasn't just a breeze. If so, I'll probably encourage it. Wouldn't be like me not to, right?



Thursday, December 10, 2009

William: As Adorable As Ever

William called me yesterday. 'I had the feeling that you wanted to see me today so I thought I'd give you a ring,' he said, as charming as ever. Unfortunately I was out of the country and the plane was not to arrive before half past midnight.

'That's too bad. 'Tho it would be nice if I'd come to the airport with flowers to pick you up, wouldn't it? That might even make it to the magazines,' he said with a little amount of bravado in his voice. 'Yes, and that would be oh-so-fun, wouldn't it?' I laughed back. So we agreed to call again today.

It was already evening and I didn't think he would call anymore. About five minutes before nine I heard my phone making an unusual sound - his ringtone is the only one specially customized since he sent me the special ring himself. After finding out I was available I heard the worst words a woman can hear when in domestic clothes, messy hair and last night's make-up. 'I'll be down in five minutes.' 'What???' I asked since I was hoping he actually had said at least fifteen. 'O.K. seven.'

He was there in two minutes and I was ready in twelve. We went out to a nice little coffee shop, had some tea and chatted for a couple of hours. He told me he was going on a vacation with his wife and kids on Monday for a whole month so he'd thought we could meet up for a chat before that.

We will probably never stop sitting for a couple of minutes in the car in front of my house whenever he takes me home from places - it has become kind of a tradition. We're attending the same ball on Sunday so I asked him to save a dance for me. He told me he'd save a few and I promised I'll save him a few too, then.

And yes, I did get my kiss.



Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Frankie: A Little Hasty, Perhaps

It was already around six o'clock in the evening on the day of my last post. I had been waiting for Frankie to call all night long so I finally decided to send him a text. Before I had finished the first sentence the phone rang. It was Frankie, calling me to tell he had already gone grocery shopping but now is missing another pair of hands in the kitchen.

We live in walking distance from each other and he met me half the way. Not only he gave me a kiss but he also grabbed my hand as we were walking towards is flat. None of the men I've told you about before have ever done that. Peter usually gave me a quick little kiss when we met on the street but other wise no public displays of affection at all. None. Nada. Zilch. (Well, I don't blame the ones that have wives/girlfriends.. and most of them do.)

We made dinner together, we had dinner together, we watched some TV together. Every now and then he would pull me in and kiss me ever so gently yet with such an inner passion. At one point the show we had been watching was over. So there we were, sitting on the couch, kissing. I was really holding back giggles since I actually couldn't even remember my last 'making out on the couch session'.

At some point we weren't on the couch anymore. We were standing in the middle of the room. Kissing. Just for the record, what ever we did, we were kissing constantly. My chin was red for whole two days thanks to his five o'clock shadow. (Actually, I think it was more kind of like the five o'clock shadow of the second day)

He started hustling me towards The Bed, taking just inch-long baby steps. Once we got there he supported my back and laid me down. As you remember, all that was done while non-stop kissing. I can vaguely remember some clothes flying in different directions but I sure do remember what came next.

Do you, girls, recall the episode no 82 (The Catch) of Sex And The City where Carrie meets Harry's best man a.k.a Jack Rabbit before Charlotte's second wedding? Well, I didn't get any neck injuries but anyway.. need I say more. If you don't remember the episode, don't read the plots. You have to watch it.

After that we just laid there for a couple of hours - looking at each other, caressing each other, kissing each other. In the morning he suggested I could stay there until he came back from work but that already got me a little alarmed. So I decided to go home.

When he got off work we met for a half an hour since I was going the same way as was his way home so we went together. I then went for a meeting and he went home.

Tuesday night we met at a bar to just hang out with a couple of friends a little and at one point he decided that for him it was time to go. Since we live in the same directions I left at the same time. Half way to my place he asked me if I wanted go home or to his place, perhaps. Well, If you'd invite me, I'd come, I told him as innocently as possible. Would you pleaaase come to my place? he said in a voice you usually hear children use when they try to convince their parents to buy them something nice since, you know, they've been soooo good.

I did go. I had another encounter with Jack Rabbit but I actually think it's not a permanent issue. I think just needs some guidance and actually has potential to improve. He probably just hasn't had too much of experience and probably no guidance at all. And that's exactly why usually don't get too involved with young boys! I do want to be a mommy some day but that to a child not a man.

The next morning I went home again just to come back later in the evening. We watched Enchanted and just slept in each other's arms. He was probably a little puzzled by the fact that for the first time I didn't get naked for sleep but kept my underwear on but he didn't ask or try anything so I didn't have to have the 'sometimes women bleed talk' during the first week.

Thursday morning I left with him as he went to work as always. As I had a meeting just after he got off from work again we had a short walk together and that was it. On Friday he asked me out but I busy preparing for my big day on Saturday. On Saturday he first asked me out and then asked me to go to his place when I got back in town but since my bus came in late I got home at five o'clock in the morning I decided to stay home. On Sunday I had some family time and got home late again.

Yesterday morning we agreed to meet later in the night. I was tired and didn't really feel like going anywhere so I thought to myself I wouldn't contact him myself. If he did, I'd go. Around ten o'clock in the evening I got a text from him. It turned out his appendix was just about to be removed.

I wanted to go and visit him in the hospital today but right now there are no visitors allowed because of the swine flu. He did text me he was already at home but I had two meetings tonight and was too tired afterwards. I guess I should go by tomorrow.



Sunday, November 22, 2009

Frankie: The Young Lawyer

He's got a name now. The Young Lawyer sounds nice, too, but it's not personal enough. And it's way too long. So I give you: Frankie The Young Lawyer. From here on, just Frankie.

As I told you yesterday, after going out during the day we went out in the evening, too. He was at my gate half past nine so we headed towards the Old Town again. Thanks to my miscalculations we took a bit longer walk than planned but that wasn't an issue for neither of us.

We finally settled at a members-only cultural-bohemian place. Oh, in the last post I mentioned him keeping his eyes on the road while chatting on Friday but what I forgot to say was that yesterday at the café he was already making a lot more eye contact. And by yesterday evening he rarely looked away.

Some Cuba Libre + two sets of sparkling eyes = endless chats for hours.

We left around midnight and he told me he'd be walking me home now since he had some paper work to do this morning. We made a little stop on one of the belvederes again and sat on the edge. All of sudden I noticed a strange man coming towards us. I was sure he was going to ask for cash or a cigarette or something but.. He had a rose in his hand and he gave it to Frankie, saying 'Give it to your girl.' And then he left. Maybe his own girl didn't show up, who knows. Ah, who cares, it's beautiful and mine now.

As we got up to move on, he offered me his elbow. So on we went arm in arm. My street came too soon, as usual. I was already looking forward to the goodbye on the gate when I noticed a young woman with a cigarette walking down the street. 'Now that can't be anyone else but my roomie,' I said, suggesting we'd join her for a cigarette.

At the same time I was really happy she got to meet Frankie and really disappointed about losing the last moments of alone time with him. But I knew I won't have to expect any less than perfect prudence from my very best friend. She claimed it was chilly outside and excused herself to go back inside.

After getting rid of the cigarette buds we stopped behind my gate again. This time it wasn't just a quick see-you-later-hug. He held me long and firmly. He then pulled back a little but didn't let go of me. He smiled with his eyes and then kissed me. He looked at me again and then we kissed some more.

His lips were so soft and.. well, I'm so giddy over this I just can't find words to describe it. I was melting like butter in his hands, not to mention feeling lightheaded. Even now, when I think about it, a jolt of butterflies storms through my stomach.

He hugged me again and caressed the back of my head. 'How about cooking tomorrow. You for me or me for you or together,' I heard him saying behind my ear. Since he mentioned somewhere along the conversation during our first date yesterday that her ex-girlfriend wasn't much of a cook (at all) I kept on talking about my GREAT cooking skills both during the day and night dates. So I told him it sounds like a good idea and that he should figure out what he would like to have.

After a bit more kissing he left. He did forget his gloves in my purse so he has to see me again anyway. But the fact he wanted to meet me again on the next dayt is a good thing, right? That tomorrow of his is today by now but it's just morning so.. we'll see what the day will bring.



Saturday, November 21, 2009

Random Men: The Young Lawyer

I'm still not sure about giving him a name but I hope it will get a bit more clear in the next few days. He did come to pick me up last night - just before midnight so I was like Cinderella running from the class reunion. While driving back to town we did chat but he kept his eyes on the road.

Back in town we first went to an old ski jump tower waiting for the season. We climbed up the wooden stairs and took a seat for a chat and a cigarette. It was dark and there were old pines all around the tower but over them we had a magnificent view of the lighted town.

We then drove to the other end of the town and took a walk on a long pier. It was dark but the sky was filled with stars, the city lights were shining over the bay and the sound of waves was calming.

Our next stop was a belvedere in the Old Town. A view over the medieval city, snacking on grapes and bananas, all spiced with bass heard from night clubs. Well, the last one wasn't exactly pleasing but it did become part of the memory.

He then drove me home. It was around half past two. We had our last cigarettes and then he escorted me to the gate and gave me hug, saying 'See you tomorrow'. I smiled with a 'You're my hero,' referring to him rescuing me from the party.

The fact he still wanted to meet me the next day was a good thing, right? Yes, it was.

He called me a bit after noon today, asking if I was already awake. I was in my deepest dreams when the phone rang but did I tell him that? No, I'm all up! was what I said. You're not made of sugar, are you? he asked hopefully. It was raining but I let him know I had rubber boots so no worry. He told me he'd be here in a bit less than an hour.

We perambulated for an hour and a half in the Old Town, sharing an umbrella. Our walk found it's ending in a nice little café. The season of hot toddy has definitely arrived so we had some. We ended up chatting for hours.

He walked me home around six o'clock. As we were approaching my house he asked if I was willing to go out with him later in the night. I was just about to say 'Yes, if you're asking', but he beat me to it saying 'If I ask you nicely.'

So I got a hug and a 'See you later' on the gate again. He went home for a nap since he was tired but I'm waiting for him to call any time soon.

The fact he still wanted to meet me later in the night is a good thing, right?



Friday, November 20, 2009

Just for The Record

A few words of 'em all.

Peter. I haven't seen him since August but that's only because I haven't wanted to see him. He keeps on texting and calling every now and then but I keep making excuses such as not having time, being busy etc. Last weekend I was at the Uni again, and as it turned out Peter was giving a workshop in the same town on Saturday. He asked me a few days earlier about accommodation there but I told him that my school's dorm is probably full and suggested a few places far away from there. Friday night I was out with my friends when he suddenly called. My first thought? Noooooooo, I have to invite him out now! I was in luck, he didn't ask about my whereabouts at all. He wanted to know how to get to my school's dorm from the main building. Damn! He was in the same building as me for the weekend. He so invaded my territory. AND he was literally neighbours with John. He then called me on Monday. I was at a meeting so I told him to call later. He didn't. Then he sent me a text on Wednesday about being sick for the last couple of days and promising to contact me on Thursday. The reason for wanting to meet me? His soul needs the touch of my feminine irony and charm. His words, not mine. Oh so cheesy.

John. I have a lot to tell you. This needs a separate post. But just so you know what to expect, we've had quite some alone time with him. Drunk and sober, intercourse and no intercourse, here and there. He's tells me he wants to be with me on one moment and panicks about the age difference on the other. I have told him that I don't trust him and that I have nothing against spending time with him but I won't be expecting anything from him. And that's true. I like to be with him but I stopped dreaming about a mutual future quite some time ago. The funny thing is he has barely contacted me this week and I have barely noticed. And now during writing this post I received a text message from him. Love has come over me again :) Ok. So. What do you want me to say? When I don't know what to say or just don't want to answer I like to respond with questions. This time? It goes in cycles alike with economy for you?

Carl. We've found a mutual fondness for vampires. He, too, goes in cycles, I think. Every now and then he gets really enthusiastic and suggests going to the movies some time. This one weekend he even wanted to come over to make movies-food-wine night at my place. I was really busy that night so instead I invited him to a concert I was helping to organise. He liked it and we had fun. We went to dinner with the festival crowd after the concert and then he gave me a cab ride home. That's about it.

Mark. No news. Haven't talked much lately. My brother is a trainee at the company he works in at the moment. Thanks to him for that!

William. I saw him on Tuesday. The first time I saw him after that kiss. We were at the same event and he called a little after the start but I shut the phone off and sent him a text about the first talker already being on. A couple of hours later the event was over. When we finally got to each other through the crowd I greeted him with a hug. He hugged me back and gave me a kiss on my temple. He also had something to give me. It was a wooden box. I went through hell trying to open it at home but when I finally did, it was worth it. Sorry girls, no pearls or diamonds. Just a bottle of good wine.

Random men. I've been e-mailing with this young lawyer for past couple of weeks. Just chatting about the matters of the world, all through irony and friendly sarcasm. He seems smart and funny. I asked from a mutual friend about him and she told me nothing but good of him. A couple of days ago he asked me about my weekend plans. I told him I was attending a school reunion Friday night but don't have any other plans for the rest of the weekend. He proposed going on a walk. I like walks, I told him. This morning we exchanged numbers via Windows Live. I told him a little about the reunion I was having tonight. I told him I'm not exactly too eager to go - not that I don't want to be with the people there but it's being held at a place about 50 miles out of town which means I have to stay overnight. I prefer sleeping at home. And he told me he could come and pick me up if it got too bad. He's really cute. I hope he becomes worthy of having a name instead of being a random man.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Friday the 13th

I have never really let that date bother me. I have not hidden myself under the covers, I have not tried to ignore the presence of such an event. I have respected it but never actually feared it. Well, that has changed now.

All through the day I heard people talking about bumping (or having bumped) their car on the way to work. Or another guy who ran into a pipe at work and bruised his eye. Funny, I thought to myself, People are really having a Friday the 13th.

And then the classes were over so I headed to my dorm room. While trying to get the key in the whole.. I dropped my laptop. Actually I don't like to say 'I dropped it', I'd rather go with 'it fell'. So While trying to get the key in the whole, my laptop fell on the tiled floor.

What went on after that has no importance but the main keywords are probably 'panic', 'tears' and 'lots of phone calls to IT-related friends'. The screen is crashed. Fortunately, my mother said she'll lend me her laptop until I get mine fixed since she can use her work computer for her personal errands.

Until I get my mother's laptop and my own fixed, I'll use my brother's one (he is on a long visit here) when he's at work. I'm sad.



Thursday, November 12, 2009


The past few weeks have been crazy. Work-wise and especially John-wise. I have a lot to tell you! But before I get to that, there's a little something I have to blat out.

I have received my very first blog award! Thank you so much, Allyson from Pink Flip Flops & Wine ! I've been following her for some time now and she is absolutely adorable. Her blog is very sweet and down to earth so go and check it out.

Here is the award I received:

I really couldn't be any more proud since I feel she really hit the nail with this very award.

But now I would like to give this award to some of you, too! I am giving this award to:

Jules @ Night Notes on Napkins for the oh so (drunken) witty Night Notes and more;

Riot Kitty @ Riot Kitty for her incisiveness;

Miss Caught Up @ Miss Caught Up for recapturing her independence in such a fabulous manner.

Congratulations to me and them!



Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Hoochie Friday

Two weeks ago Friday I attended a birthday party. It was held out of town so after buying a nice metal box and changing some money into coins for the present to be a treasure (he had requested something that fits in an envelope if you know what I mean) my friend Lisa and I got in her car and took off.

The theme of the party was Truckers and Hookers. Damn was I hot! Lisa has a thing about wearing unconventional outfits so she refused to be neither. She's not very outgoing either so considering the fact we both only knew each other and the B-Day Boy I had no other chance but to stay by her side. Which meant I didn't get to mingle a lot, either. At least I got to know most of the guys while going out for a cigarette - the girls inside didn't dig us as the intruders that much, 'tho.

Lisa didn't want to stay over night so I agreed to leave around midnight since I had to get back home to let my brother who was in town and was going to stay at my place in. That obviously did not happen. I was having fun and wanted to get to know more people. And the B-Day Boy asked me to stay.

Lisa left half past midnight when they were awarding the best costumes and such. But after that was when the party actually started - that's when it got from drinking and chatting to drinking and dancing. I ignored the awful mustache the B-Day Boy had glued on when he smiled at me and reached out his hand with a 'may I?'.

So we danced. And then we danced some more. We danced close. He twirled me. And then he pulled me back in. We had a few cigarette and drink breaks and the guests wanted some of his attention, too, of course. But then we danced some more. He pulled me in close. Very close. And then he whispered in my ear 'I am going to kiss you soon, did you know that?'. 'I know,' I replied with a smile. He looked a little disappointed. 'Well, in that case I'll wait for a better song.'

A good fifteen seconds later he kissed me. His lips were soft and tender. He varied from gentle to passionate. Just the way I like it. 'Too impatient to wait for the next song, aren't we,' I said with a smirk. A 'yes' was all he could mumble before diving back in. When it came to smooching, we were a match - we used pretty much the same technique so the synergy was great.

We had been dancing and twirling and kissing for hours when at one point he took me by the hand and headed towards the hostel part of the building. The doors were open for a number of rooms so the sleepy guests could go right to bed and pay in the morning. We entered one of the empty rooms and I locked it from the inside.

I wasn't wearing a bra and my dress was on the floor before I could even notice. That's when the difficulties started. 'How can I get your panties off but leave the stockings and the holder on?' This meant I had to unhook the stockings, let him remove the panties and then hook it all up again, since, you know, 'you look hot in them' works almost as well as 'please'.

Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Oh, and he had removed his mustache long before our first kiss on the dance floor. He planted kisses all over my biggest and most sensitive organ - the skin. He fondled my breasts and caressed my body. He then finally put the male and female puzzle pieces together, the Lego pieces got attached, the Barbie and Ken.. well, they can't really do anything so that metaphore won't go. To make the short story I tend to make long back to short again, he entered me.

Still waiting for the part were the difficulties continue? Well, this is it. As it turned out, he had had just about enough alcohol to still think r a t h e r clear and walk r a t h e r straight but yet have some manly bits not in the best order. It wasn't completely out of order but exactly not functioning either so he tried a bit more but then we agreed to meet another time and be sober.

So we got dressed and back to the main room were only a few dancers were left - everyone else had either left, gone to sleep or were in the sauna. We decided to go to sleep, too, since the first train which I planned to get on was to go in about two hours. When we finally got past the chatting part and making him understand my need for some sleep before leaving it was already a bit after 5 o'clock in the morning. The alarm was set to 5:45.

When I got up it was impossible to awake him. He finally mumbled a 'bye' through sleep and so I took off. I missed the train since I got lost on my way but fortunately the next one came in fifteen minutes. I got home a bit before 8 o'clock. My roommate had let my brother in around 4:30 when I woke her up by calling her and asking her to do it. She's my angel!

Around noon (I was still asleep) I got a call from the B-Day Boy. He told me about their morning of cleaning an packing and told me he would be contact soon. A couple of days later he let me know via Windows Live that he is thinking about when to ask me out. I told him to let me know when ever he gets the thinking part over with. We have had a few chats since then and it seems we are both rather busy these days. If he asks me, I don't have anything against going out with him. If he doesn't.. well, his loss. :)

Sunday, October 25, 2009

William: Save All Your Kisses For Me!

Sorry for the long pause. The 'busy times' I told you about before are over for now. In fact, we had the big closure event last Sunday night. I wasn't feeling too well so I left around half past midnight already. William and I were in different tables so we didn't get to spend almost any time together at the party but he was the one to give me a ride home.

We sat in the car for twenty minutes or so, just discussing the work done and the outcome etc. Before leaving he put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in as usually and.. kissed my cheek again. He pulled me closer for a hug and when releasing me from his grip our lips finally met. It wasn't long. It wasn't deep. But it was oh so soft. It was sweet.

We then exchanged a few more lines, my hand in his, and then I left. We haven't seen since but we're both been quite busy. I hope our paths cross again some time.

* * *

Quick updates about the other guys, too.

Peter sent me two completely empty texts in a row on Monday. I have no idea what was that about since I didn't reply. Nor he has contacted since then. I'm in luck!

Carl and I have become a little distant for now. We still stick together at mutual events but on a friendly level, of course. Our daily chats have been on the wane for quite some time 'tho.

Mark is still Mark. He always starts with his 'naughty talk' on the Windows Live when he's bored. ( Will get to the end of the wedding story soon! Sorry!!! )

John.. Well, I told you about us chatting all normally the last time. It's still the same. And we did meet on Tuesday, he was in town for a meeting and we went out for a coffee after it. He told me about his business trips and work and then we talked about politics.. and that was about it. Later on he sent me a text saying it was so good to see me.

I've slept the first half of the week and run around the other half so I have a lot of catching up to do on all of your fabulous blogs!



Tuesday, October 13, 2009

William: Progress (a.k.a I Feel Giddy)

William gave me a ride home tonight. Well, he always does. And as I've told you before he always reaches out his hand to fondle the back of my neck before I leave. I was so not expecting it but this time he pulled me in.

In a matter of seconds I was surprised, first, prepared for a kiss, second, and third, disappointed as he.. kissed me on my forehead. Buuuut wait, that's not all. Again, talking about just a half a second here, I was happy for that, too, since it was progress and meant he might go further some other time.

And then he surprised me even more since that one kiss on the forehead was followed by two more.. and then he pulled me even closer for a quick hug which gave me a chance to give him a kiss on his neck. When parting we both got to plant a kiss on each other's cheeks but then my hair were all between us so the last kisses landed right next to our lips (through my tresses) and not on our lips.

Would my intentions be too obvious if I'd wore my hair up tomorrow?



Sunday, October 11, 2009

William: Don't Play With Fire

Saturday night we had a big party with colleagues. It started around eight o'clock but I arrived at nine. The previous night I got a call from Carl who doesn't know everybody else so well yet so he asked me if we could go together. I had nothing against it as long as he had nothing against going a little later. He didn't. Us arriving together did bring some attention, I must say. Nobody said anything at first but I did notice more than one curious looks and even some envious glances from both men and women.

We did spend a bit more time together in the beginning but I had a lot of people to talk to and he started to make friends, too. Yet he was rather attentive to me the whole night, bringing me drinks and escorting me to smoke breaks. I was actually even asked if we had anything going on between us but I said we were just very good friends and he didn't know anyone else that well. One of the curious ones was William. Actually, William was the reason I didn't pursue anything with Carl that night.

William spent most of the night behind the bar since he had just tried it the last night and had come to like making cocktails. I went by for a chat every now and then but didn't stay for long since he had a queue most of the time AND it would have looked a bit suspicious. He did take breaks from the bar every once in a while but there were a lot of folks that wanted to talk to him and I get to do it daily so I didn't interrupt.

As the night went on the performers had finished, a lot of (boring) people had left and the DJ came on. Some people had already started dancing but I wasn't among them when William took another one of his breaks. He came up to me and we just stood there talking, both nodding to the beat. 'Are we dancing?' he asked me. 'Sure' I replied grabbing him by the hand and heading to the dance floor.

So we danced for the next couple of songs. The music was loud so when ever we wanted to tell each other something (and we are both very talkative) we really had to lean in and say it right in the ear and well, you know, there just isn't any other way of doing that than by pressing your cheek to the other person's cheek, right girls?

'Enough of this for now. We have to wait for a slow song so we can dance reaaal close to each other without looking suspicious.' he said to my ear. We stepped aside and talked a little more and then he went back to the bar, telling me to call him when the slow song comes. I went back to dancing with others. Later on I went out for a cigarette with Carl. William came there already wearing his jacket.

'I just remembered I have a home to go to,' he said. 'Too bad a slow song didn't come up'. Was I disappointed or what! I asked him to wait a little longer but he was tired. During our conversation I had finished the cigarette and so had Carl so he went back inside which left only me and William on the terrace. He gave me a big hug and kissed me on the neck and then pulled back a little to leave. His hands were still around my arms and mine on his waist when we talked a little more but then he gave me a kiss on my forehead and left.

The next day we had some work to do together again. Nothing special happened but he did express regret that we missed the slow dance. When he gave me ride after we had finished for the day we sat in the car chatting for a few more minutes as we always do. I had got some dust all over my jeans and jacket so he reached out his hand to clean me up a little, saying 'You want me to wipe it off for you?'. 'Of course,' I smirked. 'Boy, am I happy I got dusty since maybe other wise you wouldn't have wiped me at all!'. He grinned. 'Don't play with fire, girl.' He then caressed the back of my neck as he always does when I'm leaving and told me to be good girl. 'I'm always a good girl,' I told him with a wink and left.



Peter: Speak of The Devil

On Wednesday I mentioned I hadn't heard from Peter for quite some time and expressed hope it wouldn't happen any time soon. Well, speak of the devil! Thursday night I went to the movies with some colleagues. When we came out of the theatre around nine I checked my phone to see if anyone had called me. Surprise-surprise, I had a missed call from no other than Peter!

He had called about half an hour ago and I supposed I have to return the call since otherwise it would have seemed suspicious. It turned out he had wanted to invite me to the movies. I had called back too late for that (not exactly bad news for me) so he asked me what I was up to for the rest of the night. Oh lord was I happy to have an alibi. I had my brother over for the weekend AND I was going to birthday later that night. And oh lord was I unhappy about him knowing the street I live on since it's just a few streets away from his home so he made a point of it being a good thing since that way he, quoting, 'could call me any time and come by or call me over'.

Then he kept on blabbering about my work and the busy times and such. I really wasn't in the mood for all that and I intentionally kept from flirting, using my 'seductive' voice and such. He noticed and told me it's funny the way my expressions and mood of speech have changed during the time we haven't talked but he didn't seem to realize it's not a good thing for him. Anyway, the call was so long my colleague had driven me home from the movies during it. I was already so fed up with him and the never ending call I just interrupted him and told him I've got to run. Bye.



Wednesday, October 7, 2009


The past month has been absolutely crazy work wise and the next two weeks will be even worse. Meaning The Mark Story will have to wait a little more to be finished. 'Tho it hasn't exactly ended yet so 'finish' is not the right word to use.. Let's say it will take a bit of time before I can get it up to date here.

Just a quick review on the men lately:

John is on a business trip this week. We have had a few IM chats via Skype and things are more than normal. No pain hidden in our words, nothing like that. Just plain friendly talkin' on daily subjects and life philosophy and other blabla as such.

Peter I've heard nothing of for a couple of weeks - the last time he called me I told him I was busy and he asked me if there was any point of contacting me before the end of the busy time (in the middle of October) and I said 'no'. Hopefully he forgets and won't contact me at all, I just don't like to be mean and reject anyone yet I don't want to go out with him either.

Mark is being so Mark. We have a few MSN chats weekly and the last weekend he even called me and tried to convince me to go out clubbing with him. And then he forgot the Skype call on so I overheard him talking to his friend about me. That's a part of The Mark Story and will come soon.

And then there are the Random men as I have labelled them. There are a few that aren't actually that random at all since I associate with them daily but anything too interesting hasn't happened.

There is one young boy who is pretty much the male me - we act the same, we think the same, we like the same. 'Tho I like it a lot I can still feel his youth. He is a lot more mature than other boys of his age but he still lacks experience and tact and is a bit immature time to time. We get along extremely well. The first few days after we met there was some intense flirting but then we discovered that we understand each other so well we can come to each other with our deepest worries. So we're more like fiduciaries than anything else to one another. The flirt hasn't really gone anywhere but it's not spicy anymore, I'd rather call it ineluctable since we are both irresistable, haha. But I'd still like to give him a name and his own label, too. The young boy will be known as Carl from here on.

And then there is the man I've paired up at work for the busy times. When around others we act all normal - that means very very friendly since everyone has understood we get along more than well. But when we're going around doing our thing.. well, let's just say the heat is hot. Our flirt is so very assertive and I think that's exactly what we like about each other - the confidence and the wit. And yet it's not sexy and seducive but rather attractive and trusting - and strangely natural. Very weird. And again, I love the fact he's a man of experience, I can sense it with every cell in my body. Even 'tho the chances of things staying just platonic are high I would still like to name him, too. Everybody, let's welcome William to the bunch.

I will probably never change. Short posts are just impossible to achieve.



Monday, September 28, 2009

John: Things Will Never Change

As I told you the last time, John had promised to call me on last Tuesday. Somewhere around afternoon I sent him a text calling his bluff. Half an hour later he called just to tell me how busy he had been the whole day. I had a meeting coming up so I couldn't meet him and promised to call him later. I did around seven but then he was already busy again. He was attending an opening event for some project. I was at friend's place very close to his event so I told him to call me later in the night when the important parts of the event are over and when he's coming out for a cigarette or smt. He didn't.

I sent him a text around midnight asking if he was still there. As I found out in the morning, yes, he had been. He had sent me a text around four o'clock in the morning saying sorry and that the concert had been loud and his phone had been muted and that he would call me in the morning. Duh! You take your phone out yourself if you want contact, not apologize for not having read other's texts. Obviously I didn't believe him but I didn't say anything either.

So 'morning' was around five o'clock in the afternoon. He was already leaving town but I was at a long meeting anyway. 'I will be back in town on Friday. Maybe we can meet then?' Hah. I don't think I sounded exactly too enthusiastic when giving him an answer. 'Yeaaah.. Well, I've got school this weekend so I'll be in J-Town.' That pretty much brought an end to our conversation.

Friday night was a girls' night out. Me and a girlfriend from school went to a bar for some snack and warm-up drinks first and then to a club. Which was EMPTY! I have no idea what was that about since the club is very popular there and usually packed. When we got there there was around four individuals besides us and the staff and throughout the night maybe 30-40 came by, a maximum of 20 on the dance floor at one time. Anyway, at least it wasn't hot and sweaty and there was enough room and oxygen for all of us so we did what we had come to do - dance, dance, dance!

We left around twenty past three and I was in bed by a quarter to four. I tried to fall asleep but it was so cold in the dorm I barely could. At 05:26 I got an SMS from John. By exchanging a few of those he found out I was in J-Town and at the dorm. He let me know he was going to a friend's room and wanted to know what I was doing. You ask me that half past five in the morning?? 'What should I be doing? Probably trying to get a few hours of sleep before class.' That was it and I fell asleep again.

Ten minutes past six John called me. The next ten minutes he was telling me he had the key to a room in the guest house part of the dorm and that I would be a lot more comfortable there, and I kept telling him I've got school at nine and I have to get at least SOME sleep. The conversation resulted with me packing my tooth brush, shampoo and make-up and going.

A few minutes before half past six we were already at the small kitchen table in the forementioned room, puffing on a cigarette. 'We're not going to talk about anything serious now, are we?' It was more of a statement than a question. I shook my head so we started to talk about.. well, what ever. Mainly work. Around seven he remembered I had class at nine so he suggested I'd go to sleep and hurried to check if the bed was made. I stood up and when he came back he took me in arms and held me tight and long, burying his face into my neck. He the pulled back just a little to look into my eyes. There was a mix of hurt and tenderness in them, probably the same he saw in mine. And then he kissed me. I had almost forgot how soft his lips were.

We broke it off and when moving to the bedroom I asked him if he wasn't going to sleep there. He thought a little and even 'tho he had planned on going home (which was the apartment next to ours) he decided to stay. It was cold there, too, so I refused to go all naked and left my close-fitting turtleneck and panties on. I turned my back to him and was ready for some spooning and an hour and a half of sweet dreams. That didn't work for Mister I-Wan't-Things-My-Way so I turned around to face him. It was so good and yet so painful to be in his arms. I tried my best to hold back the tears, especially when he told me that even 'tho we weren't supposed to talk about it this time he just couldn't get our last call off his mind. I didn't say anything.

At some point we finally fell asleep. When the phone alarm went off I shut it, thought for half a second about the class and about getting a chance to be with John like this again, and went back to sleep. Eventually we woke up around eleven. Half an hour later he had to leave in a real hurry since his friends came behind his door (which was the door next to our room) to look for him. He told me to keep the key for now and, after giving me a kiss, left.

I was convinced we were going to meet again in the evening since I told him about a concert I had planned on going to and he told me he would come, too. Guess who wasn't there? Everybody from our 'gang' was there except him and his wife. Others told me he was sleeping at home since and had promised to join later. He didn't. And he also had his phoned switched off. I don't think he was sleepy. I think his wife was pissed since he hadn't been home the last night. And I think she might even think I had something to do with it since it was me and her who were supposed to go to the concert in the first place but she didn't answer my calls. The next time I talk to John I'll ask him about it.

I left J-Town Sunday morning half past six. John called me Sunday afternoon apologizing about not coming and asking what did I do with the key since that had been my main subject in texts to him - what should I do with it? Well, I did the only thing I could, I gave it to the dorm guard lady even 'tho it was weird that I was returning the dorm room key I had got on my name and then a guest house room key which I should've had nothing to do with. Anyway, he also asked me when I was coming back to J-Town again and when I told him the next weekend, it turned out he himself won't be there.

As the title says, I think things with John will never change. He will probably always be pushing me away. And always following me where ever he pushed me.



P.S. We did sleep in eachother's arms but we did not have sex. At one point when he had let his hands wander off and the kissing had become a bit more passionate he asked me if I would surrender him 'right now' I told him 'no'. Actually I was prepared for it by Saturday night and actually already wanted it.. but as you know, he didn't show up.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Mommy the Jackal

This is the conversation that took place between me and my mother when we met yesterday for a while and were driving around in her car.

Me - You know, I talked to relative A yesterday and the subject went over to you. We talked about your new job and you closing the studio and all.. But that you could never live without dance so you will probably be giving workshops as long as anyone ever asks you to.

Mom - Yeah? Ah, I guess you might be right.

Me - Anyway, as I talked about you loving your dancing, she remembered the time when relatives C and D got married. A was there with her husband B and so were you. And you unhappily told A and B that you would really like to dance the waltz but you didn't know how so A showed you the steps and B danced with you. Aaaand a few years later you and A went to dancing classes together.

Mom - Hmm.. Really? My, she sure has a good memory. But it can't be that I didn't know the steps.. I've got a feeling I was already quite a jackal back then and I actually just wanted to dance with B.

Me - *a moment of silence* Umm.. That sounded exactly like something that I would do.


Mom and A took dancing classes together when she was around seventeen. Anyway, that short little conversation was quite an eye-opener.



Friday, September 18, 2009

John: Taken Aback

My heart is racing right now. I feel dizzy, very dizzy. It's hard to focus my sight, hard to focus on anything at all. I just got a text from John. I haven't heard from him.. well, since the last time I told you I heard of him. I just checked my e-mail. The last time I heard from him was on 1st of August. It's been freakin' one and a half months!!!

Now let me breathe for a moment. The text he sent held nothing but the name of the city he lives in and a question mark. I can't remember if I've mentioned it before but I live in one city and study in another, I'm in a long distance program so I go there twice a month. He lives in the city I study in. Therefor I responded I wasn't there but at home and that it wasn't school yet.

"Haven't seen you around. Are you still attending school?" Well, duh, I just told you it hasn't started yet.

"School hasn't started yet. But I've got the impression that it suits you better anyway when I'm not around. How are you?" was my response.

"Great. Couldn't be any better. We just got a *some random BS about his work* title."

"Congratulations." What else was I to say?

"Thank you." Was the last one which I got four minutes ago.

F*ck, I don't know how to react. There's a whirlpool of emotions storming inside me at the moment:

1) I'm shocked since I didn't think I'd hear from him again before we met through our mutual friends by chance

2) I'm angry since he pulled his usual pointless small talk act on me again. I mean what is this is supposed to be, mister? You contact me out of the blue and then talk about your freakin' JOB????

3) I couldn't be happier. I'm all tingly and the butterflies in my stomach make me want to vomit (you know, like in South Park).

I really don't know what to do know. I can't send anything myself after that 'Thank you' message, can I? I'm too scared he won't answer me, anyway.

I know I have some Valerian somewhere.. That should do the trick of calming me down.



*** EDIT

I couldn't hold myself back and DID send him another text myself. I'm sorry but I still haven't understood what have/had I done to deserve this kind of treatment.

He hasn't responded. I'm such a weak little wuss.

**** EDIT


***** EDIT

So this is the last edit for this post. I just got off the phone with John (the call lasted for 31 minutes). Most of the time he gave me the usual age difference cr*p. He kept on telling me he was too old and didn't deserve me and that I was so young and fresh and should find a guy my own age who would be so much better for me than him. He tried to convince me that time will heal all wounds and that I should just forget about him. I didn't say much since I had tears pouring the whole time but in the last five minutes I decided to go for it since I had had enough of his usual BS. I gave him a speech about that age argument being old and pointless since I've never cared for it. I told him that love doesn't ask for age and that he either has a deeper reason and he's not telling me or he doesn't have a real reason. I said that eventually it will come down to the fact whether there is love or isn't love, and if there is it's stupid to make up excuses only out of fear of failure. During and after my little speech he was really quiet which is very unusual since he is such a chatter-box. When he finally spoke this is what he said: You're even better than I thought you were. Anyway, it turned out he's going to be in my city on the next Tuesday so he promised to call me. I asked him to think about what I had said and he responded he already knows what I meant.

I was really panicked before and especially during the call but when I finally got to put my foot down and when I felt the difference in his attitude after my speech.. I just felt calm. So what ever the outcome is at least I know my heart is clean.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Mark: Curious part 2

By the time we got back from the hike it was already around 9PM. A few guests that had left on Saturday night had come back during our hike but most of them left soon. My mother among them. Be a good girl, she said when I escorted her to her car. Don't do anything mischievous. Well, I was drunk when she told me that. I tried my best to seem as clear as possible, and to sound as credible as possible, when saying Oh c'mon.. Pleeeaaasee.. Why would I ever do anything like that?

Later on after dinner (accompanied by alcohol and more alcohol) we were all (a group of ten or so) sitting around the table in the party tent and just chillin'. And then we started playing cards. We all invited some good friends to join us, my BFF was Champagne with Watermelon Chunks. That was because the cards were for drinking games, not for good old poker. I was sitting next to Mark and on his other hand was Grace. What a lucky guy, a blonde on his one hand and a brunette on his other.

We all got more and more drunk and some people were already going to bed. Eventually it was me, Mark, Grace, The Bride and The Photographer (obviously not in the condition to be taking any pictures that night). And that's when things got awkward. Who knows why but all of sudden Mark and Grace were having an argument over the table (by that time I was sitting between them). Grace left saying that she has had it and that she is going to sleep. The Bride went after her.

We were sitting there with Mark, both wasted and he in a very grumpy mood. Before I got a chance to say anything The Bride was back. She was almost hysterical (drunk hysterical which isn't particularily fun) and very angry with Mark for making a person she loves cry. 'You might see her as an angel, you know, everybody does. But you don't understand that she's like the devil to me,' he said. That didn't really work, you know. So I got up and tried my best to calm her down, telling her to go and check up on Grace and let me handle Mark (I still don't understand how I manage to do things like that). And to go to sleep, both her and Grace. Unbelievable, but she did.

I sat down next to Mark and put my hand on his shoulder to talk to him about the whole thing. He pushed me away. Don't touch me. I know you're on their side, I heard you talking to The Bride. What do you do with an almost hysterical man that is grumpy, irritable and resentful? You lie to them. Tell them sweet little white lies. Such as I just wanted to calm her down, ACTUALLY I'm on your side. Well, it wasn't all lies, I really wanted to calm The Bride down so she would leave and give me some alone time with Mark.

So we just started to chat and he cooled pretty much off. We talked about love, life, politics, anything. Not that I recall any details since as you might remember, we were absolutely wasted. But you too may have experienced the way people become great thinkers, true philosophers when they bring their good buddy Booze to the set. We sat there for hours, and as the night before, he again kept on telling me how beautiful I was and how good it was to listen to me and how much he enjoys chatting with me. The 'I really shouldn't be saying this but..' hadn't left us either.

At the beginning Grace kept on calling him. He kept on ending the call. And she still kept on calling. And he still kept on ending the call. Then she started texting. The first few he read but at some point he didn't even bother anymore. So there we were, chatting away. Suddenly I noticed we hadn't been talking for a while. We had been kissing. Hmm, how did that happen, I wonder? There was a moment when he broke the kiss and turned his head towards the open wall of the tent. We have already been seen, he said.

Oh my, I did promise to finish with the wedding with this post but obviously this isn't the case. So much for making it short. Stay tuned for more!

To be continued.



Sunday, September 13, 2009

Pseudo problem

I keep having trouble with putting titles to my posts. Usually when I start a new post I write the title first, expressing the first word or emotion that comes to my mind when thinking about the subject I plan to write about. But the time lines of my stories are often so long that I cut the story into two or more posts so in the end the title doesn't match the post since it's related to the end of the story. AND when I want to check up on any of the older posts I usually don't remember anymore about which person was which post. So I'm giving up my favorite title format and am going to start using a more rational one. The kind of one that makes things easier to follow. Ha ha, now this was one hell of a content-rich post. Forgive me that, it was more like an explanation to myself.



Tuesday, September 8, 2009


Mark and I became more friendly later that night. We hadn't met before since I haven't attended any family events of that branch of the family for years, and he is the boyfriend of one of my relatives from that very branch. As we chatted every now and then, it became more and more clear we had chemistry. Every now and then he told me how beautiful I was, each time accompanied by a 'I really shouldn't be saying this but..'.

At some point he did something really stupid. Well, we were all drunk but still. We were sitting on benches facing each other and talking and suddenly he grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a quick kiss; it wasn't much, lasted maybe for a second or so, you know the kind of one where the lips touch just for a moment and you don't really have the time nor the need to open your mouth but when parting the lips part the last and obviously not willingly. Well, he really got me by surprise. Since, you know, we were in a party tent with at least 10-15 of others still there, plus the band playing right in front of our noses. At that moment, it seemed to me that no one had noticed.

As it turned out, someone HAD noticed. Lucky for us, it wasn't Grace, his girlfriend (and my relative. We have the same family name.). It was the bride's father, Grace's uncle. At some point, when Mark nor Grace were around, he told me to be careful when choosing people to be around and to behave myself. He didn't mention any names but it was more than obvious since we had been getting along too well with Mark. Of course, I said. Everything's under control, I assured.

When ever we happened to be on our own, Mark always started with another one of his 'I know I shouldn't say this but..'s. At one point, he even asked me why did I hate Grace so much. I was confused - why would I ever hate Grace? I hadn't seen her for at least five years. He thought that I was playing with him t get back at Grace. I haven't done anything, I told him. Besides, I am not the one who has to answer to anyone here. And then he kissed me. It wasn't long but it sure was passionate. No buss this time. And then he went to sleep and so did I. Separately.

The next morning (well, it was around noon actually) the whole crowd didn't risk with getting a hangover and continued drinking. Mine and Grace's sister's Let's-Prevent-Hangover-And-Get-Drunk-Again Drink was beer and white wine, half-and-half in one glass. We were planning on going hiking and were waiting for everyone to get up and get ready. As usually, Mark was the last one to come up, some others had already drank too much by that time and went BACK to sleep. A bit later he came to me with funny news.

'Grace told me you had pretty pictures on Orkut. She also asked me if I liked that pretty girl.' OK, I thought to myself. Gotta be more careful from here on. And still I managed to get on their car when it was time to hit the road to drive to the hiking route. And most of the time during the hiking Mark and me kept rather close. Not all of the time but some for sure. Especially in the end, when we walked side by side and talked quietly. He kept on coming with that notorious line of his, usually followed by a You're so beautiful or It's so good to listen to you.

When we got back to the cars, we had to wait for Grace to come since she was the last one in the line. This round it was Grace's sister who sat in the passenger seat instead of Mark. Mark was sitting next to me in the back. There was one more guy back there so there wasn't much of room so we were pressed against each other rather tight. Obviously, neither of us complained. The not so great part was Grace addressing Mark with something by starting with 'When you stop the hitting on,'. She had some petty request but the first part of the sentence was the alerting one. Be more careful! a little Devil shouted on my shoulder. The little Angel was on a vay-cay.

To be continued. The next time I will end the wedding part and if it doesn't get too long, let you know about the present-day, too. The past two days have been rather.. interesting in the Mark department.




My sweet little laptop is having some issues. She (yes, it's a she) doesn't want me to come online anymore, I suspect, since her wireless network adapter is giving me some trouble. It seems to be lost! I'm not sure if the problem is with the hardware or the driver but I sure know I can't use any wireless. And that's all I have at my apartment. Hopefully things get fixed soon since the Mark story is getting longer and more interesting (for me, at least) by the minute. ;)

Hope to update soon!



Saturday, August 29, 2009


Before I start the Wedding Weekend story (which I shall try my best to make short), I just have to mention something. By the four-days-theory, Peter was supposed to contact me today (Saturday). He already broke the new rule. He contacted me yesterday which was a day early. AND today, too.

Instead of telling you about the whole wedding (which was so very beautiful) I'll just go straight to the subject of men. I have already told you about my way to pick some guy out at any event and then start the hunt. I knew the wedding is not going to be a very big one so I assumed there will be two kind of men - half will be my relatives and the other half taken. And all the rest are just ugly. I was right.

I thought it would be a good idea to find some single eyecandy since the opposite would have been too much of a risk. I found one very cute guy who looked rather young but the wavy surfer hair and bright blue eyes assured me that wouldn't matter since hey, it's not like I wanted to marry him. He had noticed me, too, and we had a nice little eye contact thing going on. Aaand then he walked by with his hand around his girlfriend whose date he was at the wedding. That didn't exactly stop him from continuing the eye contact thingie with me. I found it amusing and gave him a shrewd grin whenever he dit it, but crossed him of my list for anything more.

Then there was the photographer. He was cute. He had a cute German accent. The wedding itself was very multicultural, I suppose, since a lot of guests were from different countries like Canada, Germany etc so the two main languages were our native tongue and English. So, back to the photographer. He hadn't noticed me at first but grew to like me after the photoshoot of guests for the wedding album. He, too, tried making eye contact plus he had the advantage of watching people through the camera. As I said, he was rather cute, but I think he maybe had had too much of that famous German lager since he had already developed a beer belly. He was very attentive and sincere but that was exactly why I didn't want to pursue anything romantic with him - I recognized the type to fall easily in him and I guess I agreed with the voice of my conscience that it really would not be a nice thing to hurt him.

And then there was Mark. Oh, I really want to write about him but the thing is, if I want to make it short, I wouldn't get everything said. If I got everything said, it would be too long. So I'll just stop here and start with him in the next post dedicated to him alone. By the way, in the first post after the wedding I promised the wedding weekend story to come soon and was hoping that things have maybe become more interesting by that time. They have, indeed.

To be continued.



Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Making a note

Unbelievable. The new four-days-theory works. I was just having some spicy chicken&mushroom spring rolls and noodles with spicy garlic sauce watching Enchanted and enjoying myself. Last two hours of Wednesday left and I just got a text from Peter. He's abroad again, on a road trip with some camera crew. I can't make up my mind whether I'm amused or annoyed by the whole Peter situation.

Well, this was just a remark. Back to watching/listening true love and true beauty.



Monday, August 24, 2009

Still amused

Thursday 13th was a rather busy day. I had a few workshops, some meetings and a birthday to attend. I didn't hear from Peter until around eight or nine in the evening but I had just got home from the last workshop and the birthday was still ahead. That's what I told him, too, and he was actually relieved. A friend of his was celebrating his birthday also so they had made quick plans to go to a concert - a cantata performed by an orchestra, different choirs and ballet dancers. He assumed they would probably chat a bit after the peformance and assured me he would call afterwards.

The birthday was a small gathering with around ten people in the Birthday Girl's apartment. Good pasta, cake, a fireplace, an angry cat and a lot of alcohol and even more humor would be the keywords of the event. As I said, the company wasn't exactly too big to choose from but I always like to seek out the cutest and/or the smartest and/or the funniest and/or the most charming men in the bunch to keep me fom boredom. Even if I don't have any evil plans with them I at least like to have some eyecandy, a bonnie. So, as usually, I picked one out there, too.

At first, I just 'happened' to go to the kitchen for a cigarette at the same time as he. The first few times we smoked in silence but with each round we started talking more and eventually listening to him with a tilted head, know-it-all-smile and anime eyes paid off - he was the one following me for a smoke from there on, and back in the living room I noticed the way he couldn't take his eyes off me. When I caught his eyes he didn't turn away; instead he smiled a friendly smile with a devilish twist to it. Naturally, I returned it.

It was around midnight when Peter called and suggested we'd meet somewhere but I was having fun and had no interest in leaving. It would've been impolite to turn him down, too, so I talked to the B-Day Girl and she gave the green light for Peter to crash the party. He arrived after an hour or so; lucky for me, he didn't make any public displays of affection. 'Tho on the next cigarette round Paul, the cute guy, asked me if Peter was my man-partner. It was so hard not to laugh - who the F says 'man-partner'? No, not my partner, I said. Just a man.

So, even 'tho Peter was sitting next to me, touching my ancles every now and then, giving me sexy compliments in a lowered voice, Paul and I still kept on the game of smiles and cigarettes. No doubt that Peter noticed it since on many occasions he appeared in the kitchen when my smoke was half way down or so. At first, he just came there and started chatting with the people there, but later on he even grabbed a cigarette. He's a non-smoker. But he never found anything compromising since all we did was talk. Among other things Paul regretted that I haven't gone out with their 'gang' before, and later on even asked me to go on a late night walk. I knew that would've been too much since Peter was there and invited by me after all so I made some silly excuse to pass the offer.

Couple of guests left around 4AM and so did me and Peter. We got a ride to Peter's place; I hadn't been there for a couple of months but nothing had changed. That's when small weird things started appearing. Let me hug you properly first, I didn't get to before. I've longed for it ever since we last met. He held me long and tight. Now, there is nothing wrong with hugging. I love hugging. I really am a big hugger. But Peter isn't, or at least hasn't been with me. Putting his arms around me - sure; a quick hug when meeting or the street - usual; holding me like that apart from during intercourse - never.

He then went to the bathroom for a quick shave - his beard grows really fast so what other men call a three-day-beard, he has by night after shaving in the morning. He always shaves before coming to bed with me so he wouldn't scratch me. I once told him it's not necessary but he said that a smooth face will undoubtedly be more pleasurable for me, and what was there to argue. Anyway, it was just as I thought it would be. Good, better than average definitely. But not anything special. No mind blowing orgasm, no shooting stars, no heavens. At least not for me. He, on the other hand, came faster than usual AND was all cuddly afterwards - again, something I used to pursue but he didn't use to come along with.

And a few more notes I made: it is very common for him to ask me if I'm comfortable and to make sure he's not hurting me in any way and such. I've also listed you some of the ways he has called me in an earlier post. That night I heard two for the first time. With the forementioned questions. Darling and Honey. He has always avoided expressions and acts that are common to closer relationships. It was he who said on our second date that he is not looking for anything serious at this time. That the perfect relationship in his eyes is a great friendship with the bonus of great sex. He reminded me that every once in a while.

At first I was sure I can break through but at some point I understood that I won't. Plus things got more and more serious with John so for quite some time now I haven't been attracted to Peter anymore thus I decided to have the same attitude as him. Why wouldn't you have sex with a good friend if both know it won't lead to anything else? It's the same as going to the movies, to the park, eating out, playing games or whatever else with a friend. It can be very fun but definitely not as special as with the person you have feelings for. With the person you're attracted to, you can watch snail race and have a blast.

The next morning he had some work to do so he woke up and went to his laptop. I took mine to his bed. He made some calls and then told me he had to leave for a meeting but I could stay if I wanted to - he would show me how to put on the alarm. Actually, I had been waiting for a chance to leave so I had no intentions of staying. We walked together for some time and when I had to take a turn, he gave me a kiss and said that he has some busy days coming up so he doesn't know when we could meet again. I was going to attend a wedding on the weekend anyway so I told him I was busy, too. I'll call you some time then, OK? he said. Go ahead, and off I was.

As said, that was on Friday. Again, didn't have to wait for two weeks. On Tuesday around ten he sent me a text asking how was the wedding. It was great. His next message was full of offers: would I like a nightly burger or some mineral water (I had a hangover) or a hot bath or to watch a silly comedy. I turned him down, saying I was really tired and that I hadn't planned on meeting anyone anymore so I had just had some fish. He then sent me another text saying that fish is cool and that he is rather tired, too, so it's ok for me to go to sleep. And if I couldn't fall asleep I would let him know so he could nestle with me and snore along. First of all, I don't snore. Second of all, that has not happened before. I remember offering him just sleeping side by side when he was too tired for any kind of action. He never would, he always found some more excuses. I did not answer that one. I did not have a problem falling asleep, either.

It seems to me that the two-week-rule has become the four-days-rule. I got a text from him the past Saturday. I just had a little piece of fish and thought (not the first time today) about You. Are you having a good time? Well, he sent that around 11PM. I read it 6:30AM. And answered him where I was and that I was having a blast. Haven't heard from him ever since but if the new rule is true, he should be contacting me on Wednesday.

Oh, and about Paul. We didn't exchange numbers or anything but I heard from the B-Day Girl that most of her friends are asking almost daily when will I be going out with their 'gang'. I have already been invited to a few of their parties but I was out of town each time. Anyway, this turned out another marathon post but I really wanted to get that Peter story down. The next is the wedding weekend story, or as much I can remember about it.



Tuesday, August 18, 2009


A couple of posts ago I told you about Peter's habit never to contact me before two weeks after each few days we have been in contact. Well, he has been breaking that rule of his a lot lately. Since the forementioned post, to be exact. Not obsessively a lot but definitely more than before.

So it started on the Third of August. As you know, that was supposed to start a new two week cycle and I didn't expect to hear from him for quite some time but to my surprise just a few days later he texted me again, and STILL from abroad. It is very common for me to not be able to not answer other people's messages. Even if the last one addressed to me was already a rather vacuous one I would usually answer with an even more vacuous one. It's just too tempting - I guess I always hope to find out or hear something more, maybe something interesting. Naturally, that rarely happens.

Anyway, with Peter I have always been the one to send the last message, and not always the kind which would be pointless to answer. Each time it happened I decided the next time I will be the one to not respond anymore but it was as he had read my mind since he always stopped just as I thought the next one I won't answer. The reason I'm telling you about this is because I made progress! After a few messages I stopped responding and boy, was I proud of myself. I still am but by now I've managed to do it again so the first time was the special one. :D

So he had made contact with me on Monday, then on Thursday and the next time was on Tuesday when he sent me a few IMs via Skype (which he hardly ever does even 'tho we are both online quite often). He asked what I was doing the next day and that if I had time and the weather was OK we could take a drive to the countryside to see the shooting stars (there were supposed to be around thirteen per hour or so on that day). I thought about it and wasn't really in the mood but then again I didn't have anything better to do either so I agreed. He promised to call as soon as the plane landed and I told him to not let me down (he has on many occasions).

Wednesday was really cloudy so I was rather convinced he won't even call. Actually, I didn't really care, either. He did call, 'tho. He mentioned the clouds and said his car was getting some work done so we couldn't have gone on a drive anyway. Ah well, I thought to myself, I couldn't be bothered to see him anyway. But then he proposed getting together later in the evening just for the sake of it. I knew I wouldn't go but told him to call me later when he got his business taken care of.

Around nine I went out for a cigarette with an old friend who lives in the neighborhood. To my surprised another of our old friends was with him and they were on their way to that other guy's place to watch some soccer. Again, I had nothing better to do so I tagged along 'tho I'm not much of sports fan especially when it comes to watching it on TV. I grabbed a watermelon gin long drink and a pomegranate beer from a convenience store on the way and tried to get myself in 'the mood'. Well, I was laughing most of the time and mainly on my own jokes since it was awfully boring. Fortunately, the guys weren't such big fans, either, so they were more amused than annoyed.

After the game around ten o'clock I got a call from Peter who said he was going to be available soon. I laughed. The game is over, huh, I asked. He was so busted. Apparently he too had been watching the game with his buddies so he asked me if it was OK to call me again in an hour or so since he thought I might not like the dark lager smell on him. Sure, I said, take your time. The amout of alcohol I had was rather small and would usually get me maybe a little tipsy but definitely not drunk. Unfortunately I thought it might be good idea to take a few puffs from the joint one of my friends offered. I do it rarely and usually not with alcohol and I've been good 'till then. Well, this time it was not a good idea. As soon as I got home around half past midnight I almost crawled into bed and begged for sleep to come so I wouldn't have to feel so sick anymore.

Just the moment as I was finally falling asleep, Peter called again. I said I was already in bed and too tired to go anywhere, and that I wouldn't want him over for the same reason. I could hear the disappointment in his voice but hell, I was not going to let him see me like that. Besides, I didn't plan on seeing him while sober, either. When he offered to postpone our little get-together on the next day, I just said yes. First of all, I really wanted to sleep. Second, I had been making excuses for too long and probably had made him a little suspicious already. And for third, I thought why not for a change.


Oh my, I think I might have already crossed the line of readable length, and that even before the story got interesting. The main part is the Thursday night so I guess I'll leave it to the next post.


To be continued..



Monday, August 17, 2009

Troubled -> Disturbed -> Confident

He had put his response into three rather short paragraphs. I suppose he managed to deliver his every message with just a few sentences but I was hoping for something in the capacity of a novel, I guess. Hell, the three paragraphs could've been a best-selling trilogy! Anyway, let me do some imparting towards you and make his short messages even shorter.

§1. My letter has saddened him. He didn't want to hurt me but knows he has and that saddens him even more.

§2. He agrees that avoiding, dissembling and such is very careless and not fair. Right now, he can't evolve our relationsip anymore. He didn't want to say that by e-mail but he also didn't want to keep me uninformed.

§3. He feels really lousy but he doesn't see another way in the situation and thus has made his decision. He is sorry that he will probably lose my affection and respect by acting the way he is.

You can only imagine how I felt reading it. I was prepared for something unpleasant reason-wise but it's impossible to get the Heart to listen to the Reason so .. in a matter of seconds my heart had dropped to my stomach, racing like crazy. I felt an imaginary string around my neck and the lack of oxygen made me dizzy. I couldn't focus my sight on anything nor could I understand what other people around me were saying. Fortunately they weren't talking to me - it would've gained too much energy and willpower to get a grip of myself for communicating normally, and not burst in tears in public. *I'm experiencing the same physical symptoms again just by writing about it.*

Anyway, I did get a grip of myself. I am too inquisitive (Reading Between The Lines would be my Indian name) to just leave such a thing to that - I immediately had a handful of questions so I sent him a few of them. What did the not right now considering evolving our relationship mean? Was it just to soften the blow or does it mean after some time he could?? What is the situation that made him make the decision he made? Is it conditioned by some kind of external factors or have his feelings for me simply faded away? And a few more of the same tone. I also let him know he could never lose my affection - even if I tried thinking badly of him I wouldn't be able to.

I got a short reply already the next day. This time it really was short:

Haven't faded away. You're dear. You're good at reading between lines :) Really can't say more right now.

Some twenty minutes after that he had sent another one saying he really doesn't want to discuss these matters via e-mail but in person. He stated he wants to meet and talk (hmm, where have I heard that before?).

Anyway, that was the last time I heard of him and that was on the first of August. About a week ago I sent him another e-mail describing what I miss about him. I do miss him. But after reading that last but one e-mail all (or most) of my despair vanished. I know now that what ever it is, he hasn't stopped loving me and I am willing to wait. After reading that message for maybe tenth time or so, a song came to my mind and it hasn't left since. "I Have Confidence In Me" from The Sound of Music performed by Julie Andrews. I do have confidence in me and that's what'll keep me going.

So I thought to myself.. if this is the way it's gonna be - me willing to wait without being able to be with him at all - I am not going to just sit around and let life pass me by. My heart is reserved for him but I'm young and self-confident and won't deny myself anything I happen to want. Lovelife-wise, that is.

That said, be prepared for my past weekend lechery. (k, it's not THAT bad but bad enough.) And I'm not talking about Peter. Oh, but I can write about him when I go back to Thursday night/Friday morning.. So the weekend story will come a bit later.. hopefully it has gone more interesting by that time, too.



Sunday, August 9, 2009

Troubled -> Disturbed

"I didn't want to talk about this on the phone but.." he started. "I guess it's negative. I kind of promised Mary (his wife) that as long as we are living under the same roof there will be now other women in my life." I was stunned. That was so.. unexpected. A million thoughts raced through my head in the next two seconds, Does this mean we're over? Or does it mean we just have to wait for a little? Is it even about Mary? Did I do something wrong? Instead of saying anything of importance, I could only mumble a "Mhmm..". John then added hastly, "But now the question is if and for how long DO I stay under that roof." I was sitting there, eyes as wide as they could be, teeth clenched to keep the tears back, and again a lousy 'mhm' was all I could get out.

He didn't say more about that, just that we need to talk face to face. He promised to contact me in the next couple of days to let me know when can it be done. We had some pointless small talk for a few more minutes (well, I actually like the small talk part, it's not about the words it's about hearing the voice and sensing the presence of your loved one) and then he hung up and went back to his reunion, leaving me sobbing on my bed. It was the first time he had made me cry. And cry, oh boy, I did.

As I told you before, that was on Saturday, 25th of July. I did not hear from him in the next couple of days. Actually, I didn't hear from him for almost a week. And when I did, it wasn't because of him wanting to set a date. It was because of the e-mail I sent him on Monday. I didn't plan on contacting him myself but I just couldn't keep my thoughts in anymore and since he obviously wasn't available for a conversation, I didn't see any other way but to e-mail him.

I started off with some witty remarks but actually it was all filled with pain. I kept the letter quiet and reasonable, even 'tho there was a storm - not to say a hurricane - in the glass of water called my heart. I didn't accuse him of anything. I reminded him that once upon a time we had made an agreement - if one of us should lose interest in the other, the other one should be told and that without a delay. It hurts to be rejected but it's worse to be incognizant. I assured him I loved him and wasn't willing to give up without a fight, unless his feelings for me have died out. I regretted my own stupidity for being so naive - I had truly believed that something good had come my way. I asked him the respect to atleast give me a response of some kind.

Days went by and I still didn't hear from him. I had already been upset, disappointed, angry, worried - any negative emotion you can name, I guess. So by Friday I was already checking my e-mail out of habit, not even hoping to find anything of interest. But.. as I saw the 1 new message button my heart started racing, palms got sweaty and my soul was trembling. It was from John. be continued.



Monday, August 3, 2009

Retaining a memory

A little entr'acte before continuing the case of John and me.

A funny habit Peter has - works like clockwork, 'tho - is communing with me for a few days and then contacting me again exactly after two weeks. I doubt he does it on purpose but maybe that's when his subconscious insinuates him it's the optimal time to remind himself to a woman so the woman wouldn't think too much of it nor lost interest.

Anyway, he sent me a text today. About being by the bluest lake and under the bluest sky and asking how is my summer going. He couldn't keep from refering to a time we spontaneously had sex on the beach and no, I am not talking about the cocktail. We were on our way back to town from a romantic getaway, he had a few hours to a business meeting. The weather was perfect and so had been the night before so I was looking for a chance to prolong our little adventure - I asked if he had couple more hours to spare and suggested finding a beach on the way. He willingly agreed and handed me the road map.

When we arrived at the beach it wasn't as empty as we had both secretly hoped (well, it was around noon and the weather was great.. actually there were only around ten individuals) but walking coastwise we found a rather isolated spot. There was a big bush of wild roses on one side and reed on the other side; behind us some bushes and pine trees; in front of us straws and a magnificent view of the oh so still and shimmery sea. He layd out a blanket and I undressed down to my bikini. I sat down on the blanket and so did he.

He leaned towards me and kissed me gently. He pulled back to look into my eyes; I smiled knowingly and a second later we were already engaged in passionate kissing. Both my bikini top and bottom are tied with strings which make them rather easily removable, although for a man as skilled as him that's not important, I suppose. Nevertheless, it helped to make things more interesting as Peter kissed his way down my body and pulled the bikini bottom strings loose with his teeth, saying he's helping me prevent tanning lines. Sex on the beach accompanied by a soft breeze, the sound of the sea and birds, the thrill of getting caught (someone actually DID pass our spot at some point but that didn't change anything).. We even looked for a position where we both could see the sea at some point.

After we both had come we took a moment to catch our breath and then went for a swim. Well, if you could call getting in and out of the water in two minutes swimming - it was extremely cold. We saw people down the shore so I guess they probably were able to see us, too. But hey, there were no children around and we were still rather isolated. Walking back we passed a couple who had also looked for a separated place but had not come as far as we were. They saw us skinny-dipping for sure and the girl was tanning topless - we were sure it's gonna get a lot hotter there, too.

It was a purrrfect conclusion to our getaway. On the drive back I had three bananas - one of my favourite snacks, especially after a good work-out, and THAT sex with Peter most surely is. He then dropped me off and went to his meeting.

So today the two week cycle got full and he sent me a text. This time it most surely was not about him looking to get some since as it turned out, he is abroad, on a business trip. We sent a few witty lines back and forth and that was it. More than enough for me, to be honest. Anyway, this was supposed to be a short notice of Peter contacting me and look what turned out. I will continue with John with the next post, I promise.