On hold

It's around 3AM and I'm still awake. Caressing my sweet little laptop, obviously. Actually I'm expecting a certain someone to come online. Or at least to send me a text about not making it. He didn't come a couple of nights ago, texting me around 3AM to go to sleep since his wife was lurking around the house making it impossible for him to come online. Last night he told me on the phone that she wasn't just wandering around but also had crawled into his bed - they sleep in separate rooms - but he sent her away saying he didn't have enough space. He didn't say 'nothing happened' but even if something DID happen, it's none of my business. He's a grown man and since i'm the so-called other woman, I don't need a word in this.

On the other hand, I do think he expects me to be true to him. We haven't spoken of the matter although I have intended to. Until I am not the no 1 woman in his life, there is no way he can hope to be the only man in mine. I do know, undoubtedly, that I am the no 1 woman in his HEART and maybe I even don't want to go out with others but he doesn't have to know that. It should speed the things up a bit, shouldn't it? Last night he sent me a ton of texts (well, actually just four but I didn't respond to any since it was around 2AM) and one of them read You are only my babe. Noone else's. English isn't my native language so actually it sounded a little more adorable but definitely as resolute.

I'm very much in love with him (why don't we call him John so all the different him's wouldn't tangle up) and probably wouldn't have a problem with the one-and-only thing ('tho it is just 'only' on his side for now) unless.. Unless there wasn't the guy I had a thing with before him. Even though I don't want the thing with the first guy (why not say Peter) anymore, I really don't want to give it all up. I don't feel like burning the bridges by telling Peter (we agreed not to pursue a serious relationship.. was more like his will than mine) about John (was in love with me first and to my surprise I suddenly found myself in love with him, too) because Peter is the best sex I've ever had. I must admit he was the first man with who I really enjoyd it with. But that is another story.

It's 3:37AM by now and I'm tired of waiting. Which doesn't mean I won't do it for a little while longer. John hasn't responded either of my texts from half past midnight and half past two which means he is probably still out with his friends. And with them he can't contact me since his friends are also his wife's and my friends.

I miss him and he misses me, too. We are going to see each other on Sunday and one can only hope we manage to sneak a moment for just the two of us. Even a quick kiss and hug full of love will do.

Love,

Passion